Bacon Explosion

Posted By PERVAIZ SHALLWANI, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

But those years haven’t always been kind. All manner of over-fried and stale-tasting frozen fowl limbs get passed off as the real deal. Some are so bad they are almost an insult to the beer and football they pair so nicely with. "People are like, ’Oh, it doesn’t matter. They are just chicken wings,"’ and they buy bad chicken, says Food Network Iron Chef Michael Symon.

But bad chicken will produce bad chicken wings, no matter how good of a cook you are, he says.

Ready to forego a takeout run this year? Here is what you need to know.

THE CHICKEN

The flavour of the chicken is central to the perfect wing, so avoid the grocer’s freezer case. Frozen poultry retains moisture, and moisture produces soggy, overcooked fried food. "You want fresh wings, not frozen, because it affects taste," says Ivano Toscani, who has served as general manager of Anchor Bar for 35 years. "Fresh wings don’t produce as much water."

Most national and private label brands will work fine, but free-range and organic birds often sport more tender meat. And that produces a better wing. All too often, the skin becomes rubbery, instead of crisp, says Symon. The reason? The skin is filled with water, which steams the bird instead of frying it when it hits the hot oil.

The fix isn’t quick, but it is easy. Coating the wings with kosher salt overnight draws out some of this moisture. It also helps tenderize the meat and is a good chance to flavour the chicken by adding seasonings to the salt, says Symon.

THE FRYING

The right oil and temperature will create the right balance of crispy skin and tender meat. "When you bite into a chicken wing, it should fight back a little bit, but it should be tender like a rib," says Symon. "You want it to be tender, but you don’t want it to fall right off the bone."

Start by selecting your frying medium. Technically speaking, any oil but extra-virgin olive (which has too low a smoke point) will work. But for the best flavour, you’ll want an oil with a neutral flavour, such as canola or all-purpose vegetable.

Traditionally, wings are fried only once for several minutes between 365°F (185°C) and 375°F (190°C). But this can result in wings that either aren’t well crisped outside, or aren’t nicely cooked inside. To fix this problem, we borrowed an Asian technique for frying chicken twice. With this approach, the wings take an initial oil bath for several minutes at 275°F (140°C).

"You’re not trying to crisp the skin," says Symon. "You are just trying to poach the meat."

The wings then are removed from the oil and the heat is increased to 375°F (190°C). The wings then go back into the oil, during which they are quickly crisped. As with all frying, don’t crowd the pot. This can lower the temperature of the oil and result in soggy wings. It’s also good to keep the wings moving in the oil (a wooden spoon is ideal) so they don’t stick together, Toscani says.

THE COATING

Everyone seems to have their own potion for a tangy, sweet and spicy coating.

A vinegary hot sauce whisked with a little sugar makes the base for most sauces. We opted for a mix of honey and a spicy chili sauce available in the Asian food aisle of most grocers.

Soy sauce adds a nice savoury, salty undertone, and melted butter offers a smooth texture. Finely chopped cilantro to finish deepened the flavours and added fresh notes and colours.

Be sure to coat the wings while still piping hot. This helps the sticky sauce cling to the skin.

http://www.stcatharinesstandard.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1408254

Beavers fleeing St. Catharines for Thorold will have new bridge
Posted By DOUG HEROD
   

A pall of gloom descended on my column-writing world last week. The City of St. Catharines finally held its ribbon-cutting ceremony for the new Merritt Street bridge. With a snip of the scissors, the life of a dependable, go-to topic had ended.

What, the city couldn’t have waited another six months for the bridge’s one-year anniversary?

Anyway, I was feeling pretty blue until I saw an ad this week about a new bridge project in Thorold. The project has a potentially controversial Laura Secord/War of 1812 connection.

Heck, all I had with the Merritt Street bridge was a Ricci’s Tavern link. And I quickly ran out of disco jokes.

Goodbye Ricci, hello Laura.

Briefly, the bridge in question is on DeCew Road, near Merrittville Highway, and traverses a water channel off Lake Gibson.

It’s a narrow, sub-standard structure that is used by relatively few travellers -- a few area residents, hikers, visitors to Morningstar Mill and scared beavers fleeing St. Catharines.

The bridge had been the property of Ontario Power Generation, but ownership was recently transferred to the City of Thorold. As part of the transfer arrangement, OPG agreed to pay for a bridge replacement.

Sweet deal, eh? I mean, as long as it’s on OPG’s tab, Thorold might as well insist on titanium footings and solid gold railings.

The city will be unveiling the preferred design at a public information meeting Feb. 12. The plan calls for a 13-metre-wide bridge that would accommodate two lanes of traffic, two bike lanes and one sidewalk.

The new bridge will be on the same alignment as the old one, which means that section of road will be closed during construction. A significant detour will be in order for travellers, except, presumably, for the displaced beavers.

If all goes well, Thorold officials hope the bridge replacement can take place this year.

But enough technical stuff. What of the Secord controversy?

The bridge is just east of DeCew House, Secord’s destination in 1813 when she left her home in Queenston to tell British Lieutenant James Fitzgibbon of a pending American attack.

Presumably in honour of her trek, OPG dubbed the structure the Laura Secord bridge. It was the name used during the transfer negotiations between Thorold and OPG.

This upset Thorold resident, local historian and Brock geography professor Alun Hughes to no end.

In a letter to The Standard last month, Hughes suggested the bridge name was an affront to history.

That’s because it’s "99.99 per cent" certain Secord came to DeCew House from the west, said Hughes.

OK, granted, it’s highly unlikely Secord’s route took her past the site of to-day’s bridge. And the bridge name may serve to convince people otherwise.

Still, the bridge is near the house she ended up at. Naming it after her gives the area additional historical cachet, right?

I asked Hughes if, in light of this, he wasn’t being, well, a bit of a fusspot.

"Oh, sure I am," he happily responded. Accepted local history is rife with errors or misleading information, he said, "so every opportunity I get, I correct things."

So you’re a proud fusspot?

"Good god, yes. They can put it on my gravestone."

Hughes has a name-change supporter in Thorold Coun. Fred Neale.

Neale, who grew up in Thorold, claims the bridge name exists primarily, perhaps exclusively, in OPG documentation.

He knows of no locals who refer to it as the Laura Secord bridge. It’s simply the DeCew bridge.

Neale vows to end any confusion. Now that Thorold officially owns the bridge, it’s in a position to change the name to DeCew.

"I will make sure that happens sooner than later," Neale said.

Whoa, whoa, what’s the rush? If stretched out, this could be a new go-to topic.

http://www.stcatharinesstandard.ca/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=1401488

Sonnofabitch!  Ok, "Santa" happens to get a Guitar Hero World Tour set for the lad at Christmas!  Woo fucking Hoo! Cool shit. Only if it all works...... 

There’s a guitar, drums, microphone, suddenly we’re the fucking Jackson 5’s, minus the colour shifting skinny pedo.  And we are white with remarkably little music ability.  Well me anyways.  Coolio,  microphone works.  Drums,  smash boom bah, it’s all good.  Guitar - no sync.  Press all sorts of buttons, many many times, even buttons that don’t make sense, I pressed em all. 

RMA#1

Next logical step is to go through the support web page to see if we are doing something wrong.  Nope.  Ok, talk to tech support, get a link to create a RMA online, no sweat.  Create an RMA, and wait. Waity waity wait.  Keep checking RMA#1 status,  "new" - no tracking number.  I post a question to see what’s up - get some ridiculous advice about the drum set - wtf?  Case closed.  Wait a tic you fucking tree dweller, fuck all is closed!  Shit has been closed!

RMA#2

Ok, time for the big guns, open up an express ticket, with a helpful customer support person.  Holy shit, the HR department must have worked overtime to find someone this fucking stupid.  Many people complain about the support line people in India, I wish.  Fuck me talk about stupid.  After a 15 minute painful episode of spelling out my email address "B as in BOPBALONGBONG........... G as in goop, M as in mango, A as in ape, I as in idiot, L as in lizzard, dot like on your fucking head....."  Ugh.  RMA#2 created, excellant. Make damn sure she hears that it is the guitar that is defective, not the drums, not the wireless USB dongle.

Email arrives today with packing slip and customs shit to print out: "Items to be returned in this RMA: CMP-00024 GH4 Guitar Wireless Dongle PS3 (Qty=1) "

Fuuuuuuckk!!!  Someones going to get my dongle right in the mouth.

RMA#3

Spoke to a very nice fellow named Tarik, who spoke english QUITE nicely, booyah progresss!  New RMA entered, email received stating that I will be receiving an email from the logistics company with a PDF packing slip to FEDEX muh shit.......

No fucking email.......

GAH!

Plot Thickens!  Update #1:

RMA#1

Finally got the email for the packing slip in PDF format - it’s so blurry there’s no fucking way it would get to where it’s supposed to.

RMA#3

Got the Email, and the PDF Packing slip is legible! Just might get that fucking guitar before the kids graduate University.

Screeeeeechhh!!!  Update #2:

Fedex Truck comes sliding to a stop, like they are in a hurry to hand me a working guitar!

Fucking dongle.  Bop Balong Dongle.

Head over to Fedex store to return the RMA#2 dongle that was in no way shape or form shoved up any farm animals ass before shipping it back to Activision, in fact it was never even present when I visited my friends dairy farm over on Kottmier Road.  Also ship the guitar in accordance to RMA#3.  The guitar was in no way shape or form in contact with human scrotum, testicles and or penis prior to packaging either.

Stay tuned.

Survey?!?! Update #3:

"You recently contacted Activision Technical Support about one of our games. We would appreciate it if you could take a few minutes to complete a questionnaire that will help us improve our product. Click here to take this survey."

Just wait until I get the guitar, I’ll fill your fucking survey alright...

Question 11. How would you make the next game better?

"The game itself is fine, the main issue was the frustrating and time consuming RMA process.  The first RMA went nowhere, the inept customer service rep for the second RMA had marginal use of the English language and sent the wrong part, and the third RMA was handled efficiently. Perhaps if all the customer service reps hired were at least third generation upright walkers, the process would have been much smoother.  Maybe if the HR department were to dismiss employees found lounging in treetops during lunch, an even greater customer satisfaction level could be gained."

The final chapter!!!  Update #4:

The guitar arrived!  And it was for the right system!  And it had all the parts!  And it came with batteries!  And Duracell batteries no less!  And it came with a new dongle! And it works!  And I am so uncoordinated that I can’t play it! 

Now I will be able to sleep at night.

Bop Balong Dongle.

It’s fucking cold. This winter sucks.
And since I have nothing good to write about,
Here’s some pictures of girls with really big tits!

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