Residents of an Austrian village called Fucking, have voted against changing the name.

The 150 or so people who live in the village debated the issue after roadsigns kept being stolen - many by British tourists.

Spokesman Siegfried Hoeppl, said: "Everyone here knows what it means in English, but for us Fucking is Fucking - and it's going to stay Fucking - even though the signs keep getting stolen."

He said the name came from Mr Fuck and his family who settled in the area 100 years ago, and added "ing", meaning village or settlement.

The villagers didn't find out about the English meaning of the word until Allied soldiers stationed in the region in 1945 pointed out the alternative meaning.

Local newspaper editor Menhardt Buzasa said there had been an increase in the number of signs being stolen, and said British tourists were usually blamed.

"I do not agree it is just the British. Fucking is universal. Germans use it as much now as the British, and it also means the same to the Americans, Australians and anyone in the English speaking world," he said.

Similar votes on a name change have taken place recently in neighbouring Austrian towns Wank am see and Petting, as well as in Vomitville and Windpassing.

BEER T'ALES:HERE'S TO YOUR WELL-BEING
More and more experts are connecting
beer with good health

---

By Aileen Corr

• The average bottle of beer (considered to be 355ml and 5% alcohol) has 140 calories, 14 grams of carbohydrate, and no fat
  
  
• Alcohol has 7 calories per gram, so the higher the alcohol content, the higher the calorie count
  
  
• Light beers have lower alcohol content, and usually have about 100 calories per bottle, six to nine grams of carbohydrate, and are worth two points on the Weight Watchers scale.
  
  
• Sleeman has decided to target the low-carb dieters with its new Sleeman Clear, which has only 90 calories and 2.5 grams of carbs, following American brewers like Miller and Michelob, both of which advertise their light, low-carb brews
  
  
• Many beers contain vitamins B1, B2, B3, and B6, as well as folic acid, potassium, biotin, magnesium, selenium and phosphorus, all of which are important for good health.
  
  
• The hops used in beer have shown potential as cancer-fighting agents and as a possible alternative to the Hormone Replacement Therapy currently common among menopausal women, and a University of Munich study showed non-alcoholic beer increases milk production in nursing mothers
  
  
• The German Alcohol Institute in Heidelberg has developed a high xanthohumol beer, increasing the level of this anti-oxidizing chemical present in hops (anti-oxidants are commonly considered cancer fighters)
  
  
• The Polish and Czech governments subsidize "beer therapy" as an inexpensive and effective treatment for urological problems like kidney stones
  
  
• Beer has an anti-bacterial effect which reduces the risk of helicobacter infection, which has been linked to some ulcers and stomach cancer
  
  
• A study of 38,000 male medical professionals showed that moderate alcohol consumption reduced the risk of "cardiovascular incident" (i.e. heart attacks) by 32%
  
  
• A Harvard Alumni Health study showed that moderate beer consumption reduced the risk of prostate cancer, while wine and hard liquor did not
  
  
• Researchers have begun investigating alcohol as treatment for cardiovascular disease, as it reduces LDL (the "bad" cholesterol) and blood clotting, and increases HDL (the "good" cholesterol)
  
  
• Magnesium (one of the healthful minerals in beer) protects against irregular heartbeats
  
  
• A study at deKuiper Hospital in Dallas, Texas, found that subjects who consumed 5-10 drinks per week had the lowest incidence of diabetes
  
  
• The Epidemiology of Hearing Loss Study found that moderate alcohol consumers were less likely to suffer hearing loss as they age
  
  
• A study in the American Journal of Public Health found that moderate drinkers who don't smoke are better able to resist viral infections like the common cold

by Ron Marr

Being a Southern boy, I like chicken. I like it baked or broiled or broasted or barbecued. It's hard to beat a mess of fowl that's been soaked in buttermilk, rolled in corn meal and dunked in the deep fryer. I've never been quite certain whether or not chicken prepared in this manner really tastes like chicken - you could probably batter-fry the backseat of a Chevy and receive a similar gustatory sensation - but that's beside the point.

Chicken tastes like chicken, which tastes like fish, which tastes like gator, which tastes like bull-frog, which tastes like snake, which tastes like rabbit, which tastes like the aforementioned rear cushion of a 68' Impala. The Fry Daddy is an equal opportunity appliance. If you really want to mess people up when eating chicken, take a big bite and loudly exclaim "ummm..ummm. Tastes like bull-frog."

I'm partial to the skin of the chicken, which is where the health giving nutrients inherent to a heavy batter are located. I'm particularly partial to the skin if it's of the "Extra Crispy" variety. The invention of "Extra Crispy" is the reason that I place the late Colonel Harlan Sanders, founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken, on the same pedestal with such visionaries and humanitarians as Henry Ford, Mother Teresa and Rush Limbaugh. Some folks went weepy when Princess Diana slammed into a bridge. Others rent their clothes when John John Kennedy splashed into the Atlantic. Millions mourned because Elvis got all drugged-up and fell off the toilet.

Me...I shed a tear when Colonel Sanders went to that big ol' red and white revolving bucket in the sky. That's why I'm offended, on a spiritual level, that the fine culinary institution which bears the Colonel's name and visage is under attack by the heinous miscreants known as People For The Ethical Treatment of Animals.

PETA is launching a boycott against KFC's parent company (Yum Brands of Louisville, Ky., and no, I didn't make up that name) with allegations of animal-rights abuses. PETA is whining that KFC chickens don't have nice living quarters (no maids...no satellite dish) and are sent to their reward in a barbarous manner.

Since PETA people consider the mere consumption of a critter an animal-rights abuse, I put little faith in their claims. Instead, I will side with Yum Brands, as they have a stellar track record in regard to gastronomic principle. Along with KFC, the company owns Pizza Hut, Taco Bell and Long John Silver. These are all fine firms, but I'm particularly fond of the latter, assuming of course that they still give out flimsy paper pirate hats and eye patches. One cannot help but enjoy a blood-thirsty buccaneer motif while eating deep-sea denizens prepared in boiling oil. Personally, I revel in donning such apparel and yelling "Arrrrrgh...Ahoy Matey" at highly inappropriate times. This may explain why I don't have a lot of second dates.

PETA folks though...they're a soy and tofu, "bless the beasts and children" kind of clan with zero regard for pirate costumes or the blessed memory of kindly old Southern Colonels. They don't like to chow down on anything with a face, and right there is a sign of severe mental dysfunction. They pretend to be concerned about the "rights" of all living things, which is pretty funny since it was recently reported that the group publicly gives money to domestic terrorist organizations such as the Earth Liberation Front. I really respect an outfit which places the entitlements of moles, rats, possums, crabs, tapeworms and barnyard birds above those of humans who could well be burned alive when the E.L.F crowd torches their mountain-side condo.

PETA is largely supported by Hollywood celebrities and Democratic sympathizers. Since these sub-cultures are usually of a pacifist mindset, it only makes sense that they would advocate giving Foghorn Leghorn the right to vote, buy beer and receive government subsidized tattoo removal. Their commonalties with chickens are readily apparent, once again proving the old adage that "it takes one to know one."

Because of this insidious boycott against the legacy of the Colonel, I plan on eating at KFC as often as possible. They offer a dandy buffet for about seven bucks. It features not only all the batter-fried chicken skin you can swallow, but also their famous mashed taters, gravy and a host of other Epicurean delights. PETA's rationale that KFC's "crude and ineffective electric stunning and throat-slitting of chickens" is inhumane will only lead me to order more Extra Crispy.

Frankly, that electric stunning bit strikes me as an awful lot of unnecessary work. When I was a kid we would just slap Henny Penny on a stump and whack her head off with a hatchet. It's fairly interesting work, as the decapitated fowl nearly always makes a mad, spurting, flapping dash of 30 or 40 feet before succumbing to the noggin-ectomy procedure. Nature is a teacher, and the lesson learned from acephalous poultry is that you really don't need a brain to run around like a dang-fool idiot making a spectacle of yourself.

I'm certain the PETA people can relate.

If you liked this editorial by Ron Marr, you can read more of his work at the Trout Wrapper.

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