Dear BHON:
I have a problem! I am quite embarassed by my Breasts, and I don't know
what to do! They are very large, my nipples are always poking out and I
am very self concious about them! I wear big sweaters to try and hide my
figure, but a pair of 44-DDs aren't easily hidden!
Signed,
Self Concious.

Dear Giant Hooters,
By overdressing you are promoting breast growth, increased exposure to the
ultraviolet light will decrease your bra size over time, try going topless at
Port Dalhousie every Sunday this summer between 2:00 and 4:00 pm.


Dear BHON:
I'm embarrassed about my body, I'm 18 and still don't have any pubic hair!
The rest of the girls my age are sporting full Bin Laden beards "down there",
but I'm completely smooth! I'm so embarrassed, What do you advise?
Signed,
Smooth Sally.

Dear Bald and Buttery,
By overdressing, you are preventing pubic hair growth, increased exposure to the
ultraviolet light will increase your hair growth over time, try going bottomless at
Port Dalhousie every Sunday this summer between 2:00 and 4:00 pm.


Dear BHON:
I only wish I had the problems of your other writers, I'm completely flat chested and
I have feminine area hair that has gone out of control! I think I look like
Sasquatch below the waist and a little boy above! Do you suggest cosmetic Surgery?
Signed,
Flat and Furry.

Dear Trainwreck,
By underdressing you are promoting hair growth and preventing breast growth,
decreased exposure to ultraviolet light will decrease your hair growth over time,
and will decrease your bra size over time, avoid Port Dalhousie every Sunday this summer,
especially between 2:00 and 4:00 pm.


Dear BHON,
My girlfriend and I have a problem! I am a model who just recently turned 26, and in
spite of all the good-looking men in the world, my roomate and I can't seem to shake our
craving for each other. I have the urge to make crazy, passionate love to my thin,
large-breasted, shapely female roomate, even though she only just turned 19.
What shall I do?
Signed,
Dazed and Confused.

Dear Pbbbbt x 2,
By holding your inhibitions inside, you are preventing normal societal growth. Increased
exposure to ultraviolet light will encourage the natural balance of your life, try engaging
in various sexual activities with your roommate at Port Dalhousie ever Sunday this summer
between 2:00 and 4:00 pm.