So I was watching the news the other night, and for the top story of the evening, they show this massive crowd of 40-something year old cougars lined up outside some theater in the GTA. (Musta been a slow news night??!??). Turns out this past weekend was the premiere of the new Sex and the City movie, starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Catrall and 2 other old broads I don't care about. Apparently this film is set to blow away the new Indiana Jones movie at the box office. Actually both movies have a lot in common if you think about it. One is based on fantasy and adventure, and the other is based on the mistaken notion that hot 20 year old guys like to fuck old, dried-up, self-absorbed, pre-menopausal women. It's a slam-dunk if you ask me! I think I'd rather slam my testicles in a large encyclopedia than have to sit through that. Yay Hollywood. Score one for Johnson and Johnson as vaginal lubricant sales hit an all time high!

And speaking of old bitches, that brings me to topic number two! WTF is going on with our local adult entertainment establishments? Last BHON, we decided to pay one a visit for old times sake. Well let's see....the first girl was a petite redhead, nice body, decent tits and ass...okay this is good, we think before pulling up a seat in pervert's row. Round two, ladies and gentlemen please give a big round of applause for "Chocolate"....Ugh, okay it's National Geographic time. I decide to go take a piss while the gorilla show continues. Now before I come off sounding like a racist, there are plenty of attractive African-American women in the world I wouldn't mind having a look at, but I assure you they wern't working at this establishment that night. A fat ass and floppy old tits don't turn my crank no matter what colour they are. But the piece d'resistance of the evening had to be what was coming up next....a fucking beat up old hag that looked to be pushing 50. WTF?!? Her twat looked like a cheesy chalupa from Taco Bell, and suddenly I felt a little throw up in the back of my mouth. This dried up old snatch was so far past her expiration date, even the French dudes looked away, and you know those horny bastards will fuck anything! Note to the management...Guys go to strip joints to see some hot, young ass, not some beat up crack-whores that look older than their grandmothers. I mean, I could go pay some homeless junkie 5 bucks to show me her tits, but who WANTS to see that shit??? I wouldn't even have to pay the 6 bucks for a beer! Jesus Christ guys, get yer shit together and stop hiring trailer park, methface trash! Bring back the Montreal hotties you used to have back in good ole days. Oh and tell Natasha from Romania to fuck off and quit bothering me like every 2 minutes while you're at it. No I don't VANT a DONCE! 

Oh and rant number three...to the nagger who was tailgating me down the QEW on friday. Thanks for riding my ass all the way from Centennial Pkwy through Stoney Creek. I'm glad we were boxed in behind the transports and got to spend some quality time together. I'm sorry the only chance you had to pass me was right when the OPP was sitting there on the shoulder. Had you have been paying attention like me and driving with a reasonable amount of space in front of you, you may have noticed the brake lights up ahead and chosen to drive with more care. Hope the OPP didn't Rodney King your ass! PS - HAHAHA! FUCK YOU!!! WHO'S THE BITCH NOW MOTHERFUCKER???  

Peace out....MG