It's been a fun year so far (NOT). The joy of all the little things that life throws at you. The things that make you go "Damn, I need a drink and I need it NOW!"

It's that time of year again. The time when the government extracts its extra pound of flesh for the privilege of spending an obscene amount of money for me to get from point A to point B. That's right, it's my birthday and the sticker is due on my car. And to add insult to injury, it's etest time. The time when the government grabs that little extra cash from you to say your car is not a hazard to the enviroment (this time, but you better watch out!)

So, off I go. I'm going to get my etest. The car has been behaving after it's second round of open heart surgery and various other little things. With confidence, I pull into the parking lot of the major chain store that has garages and gives you funny coloured paper after you buy stuff. Walk up to the service desk, tell them to give me an etest and hand over the keys. I am told it will be about half an hour, what am I going to do. I tell them I am just going to walk around the store and wait.

So off I go. No hardship, I'm in one of my favorite stores. I will just walk around and dream of the day that I can actually buy the 75 blade table saw/planner/router/drill/fellatio machine. Next thing you know, my daydream is shattered by my name ringing across the store pager. Back to the service desk that I go. Back at the service desk, they tell me they can't test the car because it is leaking. Leaking? Leaking what?

Out we go into the service area. There's my car, sitting in front of the etest machine with a giant puddle of antifreeze on the ground, like a little puppy that had the piss scared out of it by a bigger, badder dog. Wrench boy is sitting beside her, shaking his head. "Lookin like ya gots a cracked rad" he drawls, "or maybez a blown hose." I just stare at him. We pop the hood and peer in. Don't see any leaks. The service manager suggests that we get the car up on the hoist to take a better look. Wrench boy gets in the car and backs it up to the hoist. "Yup" he drawls, "pretty sure ya gotta busted rad." Survival mode kicks in. Not a chance, no way. No busted anything. If something like that was busted, the car would still be pissing fluid everywhere. Maybe the overflow cap has finally gone. Been a pain in the ass for a while. Wrench boy get the car back at the hoist and gets out to lift the car up. Just then I notice fluid leaking past the overflow tank. "There!" I yell at Wrench boy. He comes over and sees the fluid dripping from the overflow cap. "Well, I'll be. Guess ya was right." Damn skippy. Get a new cap and lets go. A couple of minutes later (and a new cap), Wrench boy revs the car and we watch for leaks. Nothing. Great, let's get this party started. Wrench boy pulls the car up the the etest machine again. I watch the cap like a hawk. Nothing, great. Then a little bell goes off inside my head. I glance over at the temp guage in the car. Over the half way point and climbing! "Hey, Wrench boy! Don't you think we should add some antifreeze?" "Nope, she's got plenty." Meanwhile, he's wading through a sea of antifreeze at his feet. "Cars running really hot right now, hotter than normal. "I think we should do something." I suggest. Deer in headlights look from Wrench boy. Then a little spark flickers behind the eyes. Wrench boy drags out a hurricane fan, plugs her in and parks it right in front of the car. Flips as switch and I am grabbing onto supports to keep front getting blown away. "There ya go, no problems" he grins.

On to the etest. Wrench boy punches a button and the screen flashes "Gas Cap Test". Bing, it passes. Wait, aren't you suppose to use my gas cap for the test? Wrench boy just grins. Next he walks around to the back of the car and leans the probe up against the tail pipe opening. I could have sworn I heard the car sigh with relief as there was no lube in sight. Wrench boy tells me he hates telling people that their cars don't pass the test. He's going to try and make sure that doesn't happen to me. Next thing you know, Wrench boy punches another button and hops in the car. The dyno sighs, the car revs and the test is on. Watching the screen, Wrench boy keeps the cursor inside the lines, getting the car up to 40Km/h. A few minutes later and "Bing" test is done. Wrench boy looks up and says "Yup, she passed". My turn for the deer in the headlights look. Wrench boy explains that the time it took to run the test means the emissions was so short, it had to pass. It was like looking at Gomer Pyle and hearing him explain the theory of relativity. Great. Just give me the sheets. Look over at the printer and shit, paper jam. Wrench boy tugs here, pushes there. Just open the damn printer and pull out the stuck sheet. Finally he figures it out and we get the printout. Grab that, rush to the service counter, pay for the tests and off I go. Down to the ministry and pay for my sticker. Over and done for another year.

This year has got to get better......