It's days like this that I love the best. YOU are calling ME for support. Why do YOU insist that YOU know more than I do and will not shut up long enough for ME to fix YOUR problem. If YOU are soooo smart, why do YOU have the problem in the first place? Why is it MY fault that YOU can't surf for YOUR porn, even though you can get YOUR email? I really have so much free time that I can afford to sit here and argue with YOU all day long, not getting anything accomplished.

Things for you to do before YOU call and bitch at tech support (ME):

1. Is everything plugged in? I know it sounds stupid to check but please do. YOUR loving significant other might have done something without telling YOU. If YOU have kids and/or pets, they might have chewed through something or pulled something they should not have. If you have a hard time with this, take a picture once everything is working. Look at the picture and compare. If something has changed, put it back. If something is off, turn it on. If that doesn't fix YOUR problem, then YOU might want to call ME.

2. Was something just installed? Did YOU or someone in YOUR house install a new program on the machine? Don't automatically say NO, CHECK!  YOUR child really had to have that kool game off the internet and installed it without telling you! YOUR good friend knows all those secret tweaks that will make your machine super duper fast and knows that YOU really want him to fix YOUR machine for YOU! YOUR wife thought pagefil.sys was where YOU kept all YOUR porn on the machine and deleted it!

3. When did it stop working? Think hard about this one. If YOU haven't been able to work for a week, don't call ME today and expect it to be MY priority. What happened a week ago? Lightning storm? Flood? Irate lover using it for target practice? Gods decided to have some fun with YOU? Household animal decided to use the machine as a rest stop? Not sure? Figure it out first! Then YOU can call ME.

 4. Remember, information is KING! Give ME as much useful information as YOU possible can. Call ME up to say that YOUR machine doesn't work tells me NOTHING! Upon giving me all of that useful information, remember to get really irate, tell me its all MY fault and I should drop everything to fix it NOW! That will get me motivated to fix your problem! I will get to it - right after the second coming of Christ. Telling ME that this morning YOUR DSL link light is just flashing and YOU can't go anywhere on the internet is fantastic. I will check Bell portal stats, I will check all the logs available to me, I will provide all the support I can. If I can nail it down to a hardware problem, I might even be generous enough to tell you that if YOU bring ME YOUR hardware, I might even be able to replace it under warranty at no charge to YOU! If I nail it down to software and think YOU are capable enough to be walked through this over the phone, I will.

 There is more, but my fingers are beginning to cramp. I will continue this rant at a later date.

Remember - Be nice to your support people! We are here to help! We just help the nice people faster!